How to write banter that sounds like two people having fun

What banter actually does

Banter is two people agreeing to play. Each line is a small test: can you keep up, and will you throw something back? When both of them pass, the reader sees chemistry without anyone having to say “I like you”.

That is why it drives so much flirty fiction. It lets two adults circle each other, push and retreat, and show the reader exactly how interested they are while denying it to each other’s faces.

It is also a skill you already use. Every flirty text you have sent is banter in miniature, with the advantage that you got to edit it before pressing send.

Rhythm

Read a good exchange aloud and you will hear a beat. Short line, quick return, then one longer line that lands the point. Short, short, long.

Before: “I think you might be sitting in my seat, which I was sitting in for twenty minutes before I went to get a coffee,” said Mabel. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was your seat, there was nothing on it to show that,” said Joel.

After: “You’re in my seat.” “It didn’t say so.” “It said so with my coat. Which you are sitting on.”

Same information, a third of the words, and now there is a joke in it. Long lines are where banter goes to die, because nobody talks in paragraphs when they are enjoying themselves.

Escalation

Each line should raise the stakes by one notch. Not five. Banter that leaps from the weather to a marriage proposal in two lines has nowhere left to go.

Here is a ladder. Watch each rung climb a little higher than the last.

• “You’re late.”
• “You’re early. It’s a character flaw.”
• “I ordered for you.”
• “Bold.”
• “I got you the thing you pretend you don’t like.”
• “Now you’re just showing off.”
• “I’ve been paying attention. You should be worried.”

It starts with punctuality, moves to presumption, then to how well he knows her, and ends on an admission dressed up as a threat. The tone never changes. The temperature does.

Callbacks

A callback is a line that comes back. Plant a phrase early, let it go, and return it later when it means something different. Readers love callbacks because they feel clever for remembering.

In chapter one, she tells him his tie is “aggressively beige”. In chapter three, he turns up to dinner in a red one and says only, “Better?” She does not answer. She does not need to.

One callback per scene is plenty. Three, and it starts to feel like a sitcom with a studio audience waiting for its cue.

Status games

In every exchange, someone is slightly on top. Banter gets interesting when that flips: the confident one gets caught out, and the flustered one lands the best line.

• “Admit it. You came over here to talk to me.”
• “I came over for the olives.”
• “You’ve eaten four olives in an hour.”
• “I’m pacing myself.”
• “Around me?”
• “Around the olives.”

He thinks he is winning right up until she hands him the bowl and walks off. The reader knows exactly who won, and so does he.

Give each character at least one exchange they win. If one of them always gets the last word, it is not banter. It is a lecture with an audience of one.

Cut the tag lines

“Said” is nearly invisible, which is good, but even “said” gets heavy when it hangs off every line. In a two-person exchange, a reader can follow who is talking for six or eight lines without any help.

Drop the adverbs first. “She said teasingly” is a confession that the line was not teasing enough on its own. Then drop most of the tags. Where you need to anchor the speaker, use an action instead.

Before: “Nice hat,” she said mockingly. “Thank you,” he replied proudly. “It was my grandfather’s,” he added. “It shows,” she laughed.

After: “Nice hat.” “Thank you. It was my grandfather’s.” “It shows.” He took it off and set it on her head. “Now it’s yours. See how you like it.”

The action beat does two jobs. It tells you who is speaking, and it moves the scene somewhere. A tag only ever does the first.

Mistakes that flatten banter

• Insults that actually hurt. Teasing aims at things the other person is secretly proud of. Cruelty aims at what they are ashamed of.
• Two characters who are equally quick all the time. Let one of them be slower, or sincere, or terrible at comebacks and charming about it.
• Explaining the joke. If a character says “I was joking, obviously”, cut the line.
• A pun on every line. One per scene, and someone should groan. Double meanings work better, and funny dirty stories has a whole section on finding them.
• Nobody reacts. A raised eyebrow, or a laugh someone tries to swallow, tells the reader the line landed.
• Banter about nothing. Give them something small to fight over: a seat, a hat, the last olive.

Practice drills for tonight

1. Take a scene you have already written and delete every dialogue tag. Put back only the ones you miss.
2. Split any line over fifteen words into two shorter lines, ideally one per speaker.
3. Write a ten-line argument about something trivial, like which way the toilet roll should hang, and make the last line a confession.
4. Plant one phrase in the first three lines and bring it back in the last.
5. Read the scene aloud with your partner, one character each, and mark every line where either of you stumbles.

The reading aloud matters most. Banter is meant to be heard, and your ear catches what your eye skims past. It also tends to end the evening in a very good mood.

If you want a draft to practice on, the dirty AI will write two adults trading lines from a one-line setup, and you can go through and cut its tags yourself.

Questions